Living Sober Sucks (but living drunk sucks more) By: Mark A. Tuschel
Living Sober Sucks
United States
Mark
The 1'st Year
I wish I could tell you that sobriety will bring you complete joy and happiness. I wish I could say that it will be fun and easy. I wish I could assure you that everything will go your way when you begin to live sober. I would be lying if I told you that.
We are all different and we all face varied struggles within our lives. Sobering up may be easy for you. It may bring you all the peace and happiness you desire. I hope that it does. But for many of us, it will require great effort. All of our problems won't magically disappear. We will still have periods of sadness and disappointments will come into our lives. We won't get everything we want out of sobriety. Temptation will always be lurking and seeing the rewards of our sobriety will take time.
I don't want to be discouraging, but it may take from 6 months to a full year of living sober before you really see and feel the benefits. If you've been a heavy drinker for a while (2 years or more), it will take time for your body, mind and emotions to function in sober unison.
Some benefits will be obvious - at first. Not feeling like shit after a night of drinking. Noticing that you haven't spent all of your money, actually remembering what you did or said. But it will be the things that are lacking or that are gone from your life that won't be as obvious. However the lack of problems and misery is far more enjoyable than the gain of something small.
Many newly sober people want a lot out of this. They want peace, happiness, renewed and rekindled relationships. They want to be liked, loved and respected. They want to have financial stability, look better, feel better, be popular, whatever. These are all great things to want and to desire. But sobriety does not guarantee these things. These things must be earned through your own action and behavior. Not just a one-time action or behavior, but a sustained and consistent behavior. This all takes time, possibly years.
Do not be discouraged by my words. Your life and conditions may improve faster than you imagine. You will likely gain things out of sobriety that you never imagined. But you will have to work at this. You can simply stay sober if you wish - but why not make the best out of this? Reward yourself and be proud of yourself. You are NOT filled with flaws, character defects and weaknesses - you just drink too much.
Be patient, loving and caring with yourself. Live and behave in your own best self-interest for your own self preservation. If you're not worth a shit to yourself, you won't be worth a shit to anyone else.
(More to come.)
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Okay I quit. Now what?
Table of contents
Introduction..................................................(9)
#1 – Facing reality…………………………........(11)
#2 – What do YOU want out of sobriety?.......(27)
#3 – Develop a reward system………….……..(41)
#4 – Further your mind……………………….….(53)
#5 – Further your body……………………….….(63)
#6 – Relationships, family and friends……..…(73)
#7 – Parties, events and social gatherings..…(87)
#8 – Finding new sober friends………………...(99)
#9 – Do you need AA or a God?.....................(111)
#10 – Being comfortable as yourself ………....(123)
#11 – Can I ever go back?..............................(135)
#12 – Not spreading the good word………......(149)
Closing thoughts………………………………......(163)
Acknowledgements…………………………....….(167)
A few excerpts:
Chapter #1:
What reality do you have to face? The reality that YOU no longer drink. You might tell yourself, “I’ll never drink again.” But some people don’t like to think in “never” terms, so instead maybe you tell yourself, “I’m not going to drink today, tomorrow or in the near future.” You could also say, “I’m not going to drink indefinitely.” However you want to say it to yourself, the reality is that YOU no longer drink. You don’t need to add qualifiers like, “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t” drink. Simply accept the fact that YOU no longer drink.
Don’t worry about anyone else, just worry about YOU. That’s another part of sober reality – other people can and will continue to drink, some socially, some to excess, some to death. That’s not your problem, it’s theirs. The sooner you accept this reality the sooner you will stop feeling as if you have been singled out to suffer. You won’t be as tempted to look down at anyone else who does drink and you won’t feel compelled to spread the “good word” of sobriety to everyone you meet.
Chapter #4:
You’re reading this book, so once you’re done with it, start reading another book. It doesn’t matter what the subject matter or the genre is, just keep reading. In fact, I believe that you should read about subjects that you’re unfamiliar with. You might discover a new passion or interest. The mission is to challenge your mind, to cause you to think, to learn new perspectives and to learn new things.
Chapter #7:
If you want to be a wet blanket at parties, events and social gatherings – go ahead. At least you won’t have to worry about being tempted to drink in the future, because you won’t be invited back. If you don’t want to go places where alcohol is served, that’s your choice. If you never want to go to a concert, festival, comedy club, bowling alley, wedding reception, whatever – that’s your choice. But why would you want to rob yourself of all that fun?
I’ll grant you that it’s not a good idea to attend Oktoberfest on Day 2 of your sobriety, but eventually you’ll want to, or have to, attend some function where alcohol is served. Unless of course you plan on hiding from the rest of the world and never going to a wedding reception, never going to a festival or fair, or never going to a restaurant that might serve – God forbid – wine! You’ll also have to never watch a Football, Basketball or Baseball game on TV. You have to prepare yourself for all of these tempting situations if you plan on living a normal, fully engaged life. Sure, you can go sit in the “alcohol free” section at Baseball and Football games, but you’re going to have to walk through the parking lot and through the turnstiles, then past all the concession areas. Sooner or later you’re going to have to pee. What are you going to do? Have someone put a pillowcase over your head and walk you to your seat or to the bathroom? (I went to the Symphony and there were wine vendors in the lobby.) Virtually any public place or entertainment venue you go to will have alcohol for sale. You better get used to it.
Chapter #9:
One size does not fit all, regardless of whether it’s shoes, a swimsuit or a recovery system. Here’s an example. The United States Foreign Policy is to try and make all other countries a democracy just like ours. The same free market system, same judicial system, same multiparty political system, etc. That’s a great idea, but it doesn’t always work. Every country is different with different cultures, history and social norms. It took the United States over 200 years to get to where we are now. It often fails when we try to make other countries be “just like us” in 30 days. We can lead and show by example, but we can’t force the changes we desire.
Forcing a belief system on someone can make them cooperate for a while, but eventually they want to do their own thing. They might rebel, revolt and revert back to what they were or worse than they were in the first place. When the United States assists but allows another country to customize their own plan, that country often finds a unique system that is successful for them.
Re-Invention is similar. A regimented system may work perfectly for some. A modified version of a regimented system may work better for others. And a customized plan, using parts of many systems, may work best for other people. Problems arise when those who believe in a certain system don’t welcome or support others who don’t believe or follow their system to the letter. Both parties want the same thing; to stay sober and support each other, but a closed-minded belief results in a “you will fail if you don’t follow my system” attitude.
Chapter #11:
Oh what a tempting thought, “Can I ever go back?” Maybe you could, but probably not. And go back to what? For what purpose? If you’ve ever known the joys of getting drunk (don’t deny that at some point you did enjoy it), thoughts of becoming a social drinker will always be dancing around in your mind. Do I sound like I’m talking in terms of absolutes? Absolutely. Of all the former drunks I’ve communicated with (thousands of them), I have yet to meet someone who has been able to quit drinking for a while and then become a social drinker. But allow me to clarify what I believe to be the difference is between a social drinker and someone who has a problem with alcohol misuse.
Social drinkers don’t rely on alcohol as a crutch. Yes, a responsible social drinker may get drunk on occasion. They may even use a couple drinks to help them loosen up for social engagements, have a drink after dinner, have a few beers at a ballgame, whatever. But social drinkers can stop at one or two. They’re also able to say “no” when drinking wouldn’t be a good idea – such as when they have to drive, hold an important conversation or face up to a difficulty. Their life doesn’t revolve around drinking. They can do without it if they have to.
On the other hand, an alcohol misuser can’t stop after a couple. Whether they consciously know it or not, their goal is to get drunk. They rely on drinking as a crutch, whatever their own unique need for this crutch might be – problem avoidance, alleviate stress, attempting to become uninhibited, pursuing pleasure, whatever. They are dependent upon catching a buzz to feel and act normal (or what they think is normal). For us drunks, we develop a physical and/or psychological dependency on booze.
Living Sober Sucks
United States
Mark