Living Sober Sucks By Mark A. Tuschel   

Is Living Sober a

punishment? 

Sobriety is not a punishment even though it may seem like it is, especially when we see others drinking socially. I ask myself all the time "How come I can't have a couple of drinks?" Here's the reason: Because you're an alcoholic ya' stupid fucker and it wouldn't be good for you, so you can't! No, I am not being punished because I can't drink. 

How do you think people that can’t eat peanuts feel? Are they being punished by their Higher Power? What about the guy that can’t eat strawberries, the lady that can’t have shellfish, the kid that can’t have sugar? Did their Higher Power stamp the numbers of the beast on their forehead and cast a punishment upon them too? No. (continued in book)

This fight ain't over yet!

I have met so many wonderful people through this site. I try to write things that will be of help to others. Well the tables turned - someone reached out and helped me when I needed it. I didn't ask for their help, it came when I least expected it and when I needed it most. I have been struggling lately, feeling down and out. I opened an email and I read what someone had sent me. They had no idea that I needed an emotional "bump." Their words were powerful and inspirational to me. After I read their email, here is what I sent back to them:

4 Year sobriety reflection:

I did nothing special to celebrate my 4 year sobriety anniversary – I just worked. It started off like any other day – it sucked – then it got worse. It was cold, cloudy and nothing was going right for me during the day. But that had NOTHING to do with being sober. I wouldn’t have been able to handle the problems of the day had I been drinking.

As the day wore on, I became more and more depressed. I thought that this was supposed to be a happy day? While I cognitively knew that none of this shit had anything to do with being sober, I was still sad. I was sad because I missed my old friends; Beer, Scotch, Vodka and Gin. I was sad because I am still single – I keep fuckin’ up promising relationships. Not because I’m a complete jerk (well, maybe I am) – but because I work too much and I don’t want to date or marry a drinker.

As evening approached I consciously started reflecting on all the good things that have transpired since I sobered up. Then more shit hit the fan – but I handled it – I actually enjoyed the problems as a challenge. Around 2:00a.m. (I was still working) I had a breakthrough with one of the problems of the day. It was uplifting – that happy and excited feeling came over me. I read for a little while before going to bed. It was just another day, but I was still sober.

So what have I done over the past year of sobriety? Have I made any progress, any improvements? YES - Over the past year I have befriended many more people through my website. I am honored to have them as part of my life and that I have become part of theirs. I finished writing my book; Living Sober Sucks. I started fostering dogs for my local Animal Rescue. There are far fewer complicated relationships in my life – I have gravitated further away from drinkers and have gravitated closer to sober and constructive people. I haven’t spent one penny on alcohol for myself – I’ve bought wine, beer and drinks for friends and dates. I am enjoying my yard and my house more. I read a lot of books and furthered my knowledge. I cooked a lot of good food. I have stuck to my exercise schedule. I helped a lot of friends with their home maintenance and chores. I travelled and developed my business further. I did a lot of fun and exciting things. None of this would have happened had I not been sober.

Was it worth the battles with temptation, the occasional boredom, the sadness, the emptiness of not having my good friend alcohol, the struggle of keeping my mouth shut when I wanted to say something sarcastic or wanted to point out other’s drinking problem? Has it been worth it? Fuck ya it was worth it! Some days still suck, but that’s life. I look forward to my next year of sobriety – I firmly believe that it’s only going to get better from here.

I wish you success and a drama free life – Mark.

Holy Shit!!! I'm still sober!

3 Years Sober / Reflections:

Here I am celebrating 3 years sober. I went out to dinner on my anniversary date with a very sweet friend. She asked me an interesting question: “So what‘s it like to be sober for 3 years?” I sat quietly and pondered. Here was my answer: “It‘s nothing like I expected.”

I thought that sobriety would bring joy, happiness and love into my life. I thought that sobriety would fix all of my problems and make the world tip in my favor. Holy shit was I wrong! Before I continue, allow me to at least say that regardless of the struggles, the pain and the emptiness, I am so very glad that I decided to live sober and stay sober.

As I try to objectively view the past 3 years, I realized that my pain doesn’t just stem from not drinking. I went through a very painful divorce, my dad died (while holding my hand), I went through financial collapse, recovery, collapse and recovery again (but now I'm back to collapse). I had been thrust back into the dating scene after 24 years with the same woman. I have met a few nice women, some freaks, some drunks, some pathetic bimbos and one very wonderful woman. What this all tells me is that life still happens, whether you’re sober or not. Sobriety has allowed me to handle adversity.

Reflecting on 3 years, I find that it is more boring than I thought it would be. I am far lonelier than I expected. I feel as if I have lost the ability to experience certain emotions (euphoria, love, the ability to cry). These feelings may be due to the earlier mentioned events. I want no compassion, no sympathy. I am simply sharing my thoughts with you.

On the positive side, I feel strong. I like being in control of myself. I like the intelligent conversations I have with friends. The relationships that I have with people are deeper and more rewarding. I accomplish more and I can relax more during recreational time. (Read my full 3-Year review)

Ultimately I am glad that I am living sober. But I won’t lie to you, it still remains a struggle, even after 3 years.

Yup,,,  3 years sober, without a single relapse and the best I can say is “this is fucked up”. It would be nice to have a drink or two, but that would be my downfall. I CAN’T have even one drink,,,, ever again. I accept and embrace that reality, so now it’s up to me to make the best out of my sober life.

Change is a constant thing!

Change is inevitable in life. (Duhhh, no shit) Whether you continue to drink and do drugs or not, change is going to happen. A simple truth is that if you continue drinking and doing drugs, change will happen to you and around you. If you’re drunk at the time that change is occurring, you either won’t see it happening or change will be out of your control. If you continue drinking, changes that will probably happen will be things like: losing your job, losing your house, losing your wife, husband, partner, friends, family, money, respect of others, your drivers license,,,,, the list could go on for pages.

If you decide to live clean and sober, people will treat you differently. Maybe this will be a change for the better? This all depends on your actions and your reactions to changes. Change will occur within you as well. You will think differently, you will treat people differently. All changes will not be what you want or what you are expecting. Some changes will be good and some will be painful, however YOU will be the one in control of how you react to change. If you decide to start living sober, these are some of the changes you can expect: (continued in book)

Reading books has helped keep my mind off of drinking, it has furthered my knowledge and has been helping me become a better person. Here's a list of some books that I suggest reading. They are not directly related to alcoholism or addiction but they have helped me to understand how to accept personal responsibility for my own thoughts and actions. Some are very thought provoking - some are just fun to read. I hope you enjoy them.

"Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)." / Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" / Dale Carnegie

"Blind Spots" / Madeleine L. Van Hecke, PhD

"Blink" / Malcolm Gladwell

"Outliers" / Malcolm Gladwell

"Why We Suck" / Denis Leary