Living Sober Sucks By Mark A. Tuschel   

I sobered up for what?

That's the question I ask myself every day. This is not a, "Wah, wah, oh poor me" story. There is a positive and hopefully inspiring aspect to this article. I am just sharing the way it is.

I quit drinking for what? I still lost my wife, the dreams I had for our future, my retirement, my health insurance and my house. I am often lonely, sad, even bored out of my fucking skull at times. I have been sober for four years and I still continue to squander great opportunities and promising relationships - but that's just life. Yup, living sober sucks - but I realize that drinking and getting drunk won't bring these things back, bring great things into my life or make things better.

So here's the answer the question of, "I sobered up for what?":

My chances of rebuilding my life are far better now as a sober person than if I were drunk. My chances of enjoying a drama free life, calm existence, loving relationships and financial success are much better sober than if I was trying to do this drunk.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but at least I'll be ready for it - because I'm sober.

Everything doesn’t always work out for the best, but I can make the best of how things work out. I couldn’t do that if I was still drunk. That is what I sobered up for.

The same applies to you. You’re chances of living a rewarding life are far better sober than drunk.

4 Year sobriety reflection:

I did nothing special to celebrate my 4 year sobriety anniversary – I just worked. It started off like any other day – it sucked – then it got worse. It was cold, cloudy and nothing was going right for me during the day. But that had NOTHING to do with being sober. I wouldn’t have been able to handle the problems of the day had I been drinking.

As the day wore on, I became more and more depressed. I thought that this was supposed to be a happy day? While I cognitively knew that none of this shit had anything to do with being sober, I was still sad. I was sad because I missed my old friends; Beer, Scotch, Vodka and Gin. I was sad because I am still single – I keep fuckin’ up promising relationships. Not because I’m a complete jerk (well, maybe I am) – but because I work too much and I don’t want to date or marry a drinker.

As evening approached I consciously started reflecting on all the good things that have transpired since I sobered up. Then more shit hit the fan – but I handled it – I actually enjoyed the problems as a challenge. Around 2:00a.m. (I was still working) I had a breakthrough with one of the problems of the day. It was uplifting – that happy and excited feeling came over me. I read for a little while before going to bed. It was just another day, but I was still sober.

So what have I done over the past year of sobriety? Have I made any progress, any improvements? YES - Over the past year I have befriended many more people through my website. I am honored to have them as part of my life and that I have become part of theirs. I finished writing my book; Living Sober Sucks. I started fostering dogs for my local Animal Rescue. There are far fewer complicated relationships in my life – I have gravitated further away from drinkers and have gravitated closer to sober and constructive people. I haven’t spent one penny on alcohol for myself – I’ve bought wine, beer and drinks for friends and dates. I am enjoying my yard and my house more. I read a lot of books and furthered my knowledge. I cooked a lot of good food. I have stuck to my exercise schedule. I helped a lot of friends with their home maintenance and chores. I travelled and developed my business further. I did a lot of fun and exciting things. None of this would have happened had I not been sober.

Was it worth the battles with temptation, the occasional boredom, the sadness, the emptiness of not having my good friend alcohol, the struggle of keeping my mouth shut when I wanted to say something sarcastic or wanted to point out other’s drinking problem? Has it been worth it? Fuck ya it was worth it! Some days still suck, but that’s life. I look forward to my next year of sobriety – I firmly believe that it’s only going to get better from here.

I wish you success and a drama free life – Mark.

Holy Shit!!! I'm still sober!

3 Years Sober / Reflections:

Here I am celebrating 3 years sober. I went out to dinner on my anniversary date with a very sweet friend. She asked me an interesting question: “So what‘s it like to be sober for 3 years?” I sat quietly and pondered. Here was my answer: “It‘s nothing like I expected.”

I thought that sobriety would bring joy, happiness and love into my life. I thought that sobriety would fix all of my problems and make the world tip in my favor. Holy shit was I wrong! Before I continue, allow me to at least say that regardless of the struggles, the pain and the emptiness, I am so very glad that I decided to live sober and stay sober.

As I try to objectively view the past 3 years, I realized that my pain doesn’t just stem from not drinking. I went through a very painful divorce, my dad died (while holding my hand), I went through financial collapse, recovery, collapse and recovery again (but now I'm back to collapse). I had been thrust back into the dating scene after 24 years with the same woman. I have met a few nice women, some freaks, some drunks, some pathetic bimbos and one very wonderful woman. What this all tells me is that life still happens, whether you’re sober or not. Sobriety has allowed me to handle adversity.

Reflecting on 3 years, I find that it is more boring than I thought it would be. I am far lonelier than I expected. I feel as if I have lost the ability to experience certain emotions (euphoria, love, the ability to cry). These feelings may be due to the earlier mentioned events. I want no compassion, no sympathy. I am simply sharing my thoughts with you.

On the positive side, I feel strong. I like being in control of myself. I like the intelligent conversations I have with friends. The relationships that I have with people are deeper and more rewarding. I accomplish more and I can relax more during recreational time. (Read my full 3-Year review)

Ultimately I am glad that I am living sober. But I won’t lie to you, it still remains a struggle, even after 3 years.

Yup,,,  3 years sober, without a single relapse and the best I can say is “this is fucked up”. It would be nice to have a drink or two, but that would be my downfall. I CAN’T have even one drink,,,, ever again. I accept and embrace that reality, so now it’s up to me to make the best out of my sober life.

There is no shame!

There is no shame in being an alcoholic or problem drinker - many wonderful, loving and productive people have alcohol problems. The shame is if you don’t acknowledge it and do something about it.

You do not have to be defined by past actions or past experiences. This is not to say that you can live in denial. Consequences of your past must be accepted. Unplanned children, crimes, unsavory activities, embarrassing actions, debts, broken relationships - these must be accepted as realities - but they don’t have to define how you approach sobriety and how you start your new life.

A couple of examples:

(#1) I was at the burial service for my favorite Uncle. It was a beautiful sunny July day. The service was at a small country cemetery in central Wisconsin. Most of the people attending were extended relatives and friends of our family. After the service many people hung around and reminisced about George. I had numerous people come up to me and say, “Hi Mark, it’s so nice to see you again.” I would look at them and think, “Do I know you?” Then they would continue on, “Do you still have your lake house? That was so much fun when we came over.” They talked about going for boat rides and grilling out, what a wonderful party host I was. I had no recollection of who these people were, but they were at my house!

It was a sad reminder that I missed a lot of my life while I was a drunk. But I didn’t feel shame and I didn’t have to tell them about my “tale of woe” of how I no longer drink - I just enjoyed the moment with them. It doesn’t have to stop me from opening my heart and my home up to them in the future and getting to know them better.

(#2) I invited a friend over to my lake house. We could go boating, swimming, grill out and enjoy a nice summer day. They told me, “I want to come over, but I can’t because I want to have a couple of beers, then I can’t drive. I already have one D.U.I. Why don’t you come over to my house?”

While the part about not wanting to drink and drive is admirable - this is a very revealing statement. This person could have just as easily said, “I can’t go anywhere because my life is controlled by alcohol - I HAVE to drink to live.” I suppose I could have gone over to their house, but all I would have been doing was supporting and enabling their drinking.

I think it’s sad that someone would pass on and miss out on so many great opportunities for fun in life because their every action is controlled by and revolves around drinking. I’m glad that I no longer have to live under that control. I may feel guilt, sadness and remorse for my past life and actions, but I will not allow it to define how I approach the future. I like being able to fully engage in life - sober.

No Guarantees:

Quitting drinking doesn’t guarantee shit! There is no guarantee that your marriage, relationship or friendships will be rekindled. No guarantee that your kids will love or respect you again. No guarantee that you will become happy, wealthy and find true bliss.

But don’t be discouraged by my words – life can improve – and it can be better than you ever imagined. But YOU have to be an active participant in your sobriety.

The first thing I ask people is, “What do you want to accomplish with your sober life?”

Most answer with, “Well, I want to stay sober.” That’s a great answer, but it doesn’t help with your future growth and it doesn’t eliminate the possibility of relapse. If you don’t visualize how you want your life to be, how you will act, what you will do, what you want out of living sober, you will just stay stuck. You must be able to answer that question in graphic detail of what you desire, or you will simply be sober. And then at some point, one, two or three years later, you will become disenchanted – wondering, “What was the point?”

That’s why I present the concept of “Mark’s Reward System” in my book. I give examples of how to expand your creativity and how to see yourself as a sober person. Reward yourself and others, for the effort you put forth at living sober.

Okay,,, so maybe I can guarantee two things about sobriety:

#1 – It will be different.

#2 – You can’t get arrested for drunk driving.

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