Living Sober Sucks By Mark A. Tuschel   

I sobered up for what?

That's the question I ask myself every day. This is not a, "Wah, wah, oh poor me" story. There is a positive and hopefully inspiring aspect to this article. I am just sharing the way it is.

I quit drinking for what? I still lost my wife, the dreams I had for our future, my retirement, my health insurance and my house. I am often lonely, sad, even bored out of my fucking skull at times. I have been sober for four years and I still continue to squander great opportunities and promising relationships - but that's just life. Yup, living sober sucks - but I realize that drinking and getting drunk won't bring these things back, bring great things into my life or make things better.

So here's the answer the question of, "I sobered up for what?":

My chances of rebuilding my life are far better now as a sober person than if I were drunk. My chances of enjoying a drama free life, calm existence, loving relationships and financial success are much better sober than if I was trying to do this drunk.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but at least I'll be ready for it - because I'm sober.

Everything doesn’t always work out for the best, but I can make the best of how things work out. I couldn’t do that if I was still drunk. That is what I sobered up for.

The same applies to you. You’re chances of living a rewarding life are far better sober than drunk.

Luck isn't personal!

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This is just my opinion: “Good luck” or “bad luck” is NOT personal. As the saying goes - Shit happens! The universe doesn’t conspire to help or hinder you. But so often “bad luck” is a result of our own actions and a result of where we are in our lives.

When I drank, I always felt as if “bad luck” had singled me out. What I perceived as “bad luck” only made me more depressed, then I drank more, bringing on even more bad luck. Or what was even more dangerous - when I was drunk - I would feel a delusional sense that I would be “lucky”, or that “good luck” would come my way, then I did even more risky things, resulting in even more bad luck.

You might be asking, “okay Mark, what in the fuck does luck have to do with alcoholism?” Here’s my answer: What we drunks perceive as “bad luck”, is actually the unfortunate results of our own actions. And I further believe that you can improve your life and change your luck by changing your drinking habits. When you drink or do drugs in excess, unfortunate things happen and “bad luck” can come your way. (By the way, the dictionary considers both “luck” and “fortunate” as interchangeable words, but I feel that the two words are distinctively different regarding the good and bad events that happen in our lives.)

For example, you are not “unlucky” because you got arrested for drunk driving. What you are is unfortunate but certainly not unlucky. You were in control of the situation and you happened to be drunk. You were - on the other hand - “lucky” for not being arrested all the other times you were driving drunk. The same goes if you get caught bangin’ your neighbors wife, that’s not “bad luck”, that’s unfortunate - because you were in control of the situation - you could have passed on the opportunity. So let me repeat this: What we drunks perceive as “bad luck” is actually unfortunate results of our own actions.

I believe that many aspects of luck are well within our own control. If you hang out in bars, hang out with drunks and surround yourself with drug addicts, “bad luck” is probably going to come your way. I am not inferring that if you quit drinking your life will suddenly be filled with “good luck” and you’ll win the lottery. I can’t guarantee anything like that, but I can guarantee you this - if you don’t drink, you can’t get arrested for drunk driving.

I believe that if you control your addictions you will create the opportunity for “good luck” to occur more often and have fewer bad things happen to you. Even after you quit drinking, occurrences of bad luck will still happen to you, but you will be in a better position to handle it. Remember that “good luck” as well as “bad luck” is NOT personal - luck is just something that happens to all of us. So why not stack the laws of probability in your favor? Control and eliminate the opportunities for “bad luck” to happen to you and enable the chances of good luck to come your way. It’s just something to think about and it’s just my opinion.

There is no shame!

There is no shame in being an alcoholic or problem drinker - many wonderful, loving and productive people have alcohol problems. The shame is if you don’t acknowledge it and do something about it.

You do not have to be defined by past actions or past experiences. This is not to say that you can live in denial. Consequences of your past must be accepted. Unplanned children, crimes, unsavory activities, embarrassing actions, debts, broken relationships - these must be accepted as realities - but they don’t have to define how you approach sobriety and how you start your new life.

A couple of examples:

(#1) I was at the burial service for my favorite Uncle. It was a beautiful sunny July day. The service was at a small country cemetery in central Wisconsin. Most of the people attending were extended relatives and friends of our family. After the service many people hung around and reminisced about George. I had numerous people come up to me and say, “Hi Mark, it’s so nice to see you again.” I would look at them and think, “Do I know you?” Then they would continue on, “Do you still have your lake house? That was so much fun when we came over.” They talked about going for boat rides and grilling out, what a wonderful party host I was. I had no recollection of who these people were, but they were at my house!

It was a sad reminder that I missed a lot of my life while I was a drunk. But I didn’t feel shame and I didn’t have to tell them about my “tale of woe” of how I no longer drink - I just enjoyed the moment with them. It doesn’t have to stop me from opening my heart and my home up to them in the future and getting to know them better.

(#2) I invited a friend over to my lake house. We could go boating, swimming, grill out and enjoy a nice summer day. They told me, “I want to come over, but I can’t because I want to have a couple of beers, then I can’t drive. I already have one D.U.I. Why don’t you come over to my house?”

While the part about not wanting to drink and drive is admirable - this is a very revealing statement. This person could have just as easily said, “I can’t go anywhere because my life is controlled by alcohol - I HAVE to drink to live.” I suppose I could have gone over to their house, but all I would have been doing was supporting and enabling their drinking.

I think it’s sad that someone would pass on and miss out on so many great opportunities for fun in life because their every action is controlled by and revolves around drinking. I’m glad that I no longer have to live under that control. I may feel guilt, sadness and remorse for my past life and actions, but I will not allow it to define how I approach the future. I like being able to fully engage in life - sober.